My life is...I don't know where it's gone.

"Those who don't try never look foolish."- Wicked

I wrote this quote for you today because it explains how I am. I am completely afraid of trying things in fear of embaressment, rejection or even just the plain fear. I tell myself often that I need to start to try things, but do I ever listen to myself? Of course not. It's difficult when I'm trying to be simple but I'm just naturally a difficult person. It doesn't even matter what I'm trying; I am always scared to.
In classes, I hardly ever raise my hand to ask questions or answer questions because I don't want to sound stupid. I want to start doing that because who cares if I look stupid? I do anyways, hah. Also, I've always been afraid of water. Mostly the deep end. Last year, I went in the deep end and overcame that fear. But I don't even want to think about me going upside down in the water! I'm in kayaking now and my teacher says its a vital skill. I don't plan on going kayaking or on tipping myself over! So I didn't do it, and I don't know if she gave me a bad grade.
Then of course there's the boy thing. I somehow come up with the guts to talk to a guy or ask him out (on occasion) but after getting rejected and sometimes having it shoved in your face, it hurts. I mean, do my "friends" think I don't know that I've been rejected time after time? I'm not stupid, thanks. I was picking on my friend Alex in the lunch line and he turned to me and laughed. He said, "At least I haven't been rejected by boys all the time." I didn't show him that it hurt, but I said, "I'd be more worried that you're going after boys." I walked away and didn't look back. That hurt.
I want to tell Spencer that I like him but I'm scared to. I want to know the way he's feeling, but I'm so afraid that, just like every other time, I'll get rejected. It'll hurt more this time. I don't know if it's because I've been rejected and I'm sick of it, or if maybe I like him a lot more than I wanted to. Either way, it's the major thing stopping me. Yet I'm also afraid that if I don't take the chance, then I'll want to hit myself for never knowing what would've happen. Wouldn't it be easier to get over a guy if you knew he didn't like you?
It'd also be more awkward to sit in front of him in english, though.

-Danielle