Life is everything we're about. That's what someone told me once, at least. But according to my old science teacher, we're here to reproduce and die. That's it. I find that thought extremely morbid, and therefore decided not to believe it. We are here and what we do is live; therefore that is what we are about. Life is full of twists and turns. Poems, books, even songs and art describe some of those twists and turns. But even reading them can never make up for what you have to experience. Yes, we are built on experiences, or lack of; they make us who we are.
Alright, I have a stripe that is connected to this theory. This stripe is the one that makes me a hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless. Have you ever taken one of those stupid MySpace.com surveys that ask you when you started to notice boys? I have, and my answer is always the same; I can't remember a time when I didn't. I had my first "Boyfriend" (quoted because who has a real boyfriend at that age??) when I was in kindergarten. Yeah, right. I've never had a REAL boyfriend, and I'm 15 years old.
I always just dreamed of what I wanted and never had it. When I was in about 7th grade, I started to enjoy reading. The first books I read were "Daughters of the Moon" by Lynne Ewing. I don't know if you've ever read those books, but I was basically in love with them. What I wanted was the relationship that Serena and Stanton had. Then, I watched Gilmore Girls and Charmed, and I wanted that. In eighth grade I read a lot more. I started Meg Cabot, reading the Mediator as my favorite as far as relationships, Sarah Dessen, wanting the relationship between Macon and Haley in Someone Like You, and Cate Tiernen's Sweep series. In that, I wanted to be Morgan with Cal, and then of course Hunter. Yes, I read like a dork. =)
Then came the Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books obsession. Who doesn't want Edward?
After awhile, my mom thought I'd like the magic and romance written in some of Nora Robert's trilogies. Man, I loved those. I still love those. I'm obsessed with those. My favorite is The Circle Trilogy, because I love the third book like crazy. But that is not the point. The point is that I read far too much, and I've become to see the practically perfect boys to men in these books, and it's not good. When I was 12 and reading the young adult books, I wanted those 16 and 17 year olds from the books. Not literally, because I felt so young when I wasn't reading. But it's still true that when I'm reading, I feel the age of the main girl. So now I'm reading Nora Roberts and I feel in my late twenties every time I open her books.
I expect too much, and instead I get nothing because of it.
That's my nightmare, and I can't wake up.
-Dani
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