Best Friends and Boys...a teenage girl's wonders.

"Fear is inanimate, but also always present." -Danielle

I have so many things going through my head. Some are serious, others are simple things that any female has gone through. I'm sure males do too, but no one is open enough with me for me to know that for sure. So, the following paragraph is going to be about my simple problems that (hopefully) will be solved sooner rather than later. The one after that will be my serious concerns. Any opinion of mine is entitled, as well as any opinion of yours is. Feel free to contradict me, for nothing I say is fact; only opinion.
I'm back to being best friends like crazy with my best friend. I know that the way I feel about that is awful, since I'm mad at myself. Why am I mad at myself for "solving" my problems with my best friend? Probably because we didn't solve a thing. I mean, sure, she said she didn't mind if I like Spencer. She just felt left out because I didn't talk to her about him, and I did that because I gave up trying to deal with hearing, "He's an ass" after every other word. So, I've been talking to her about him. But I feel weird because at first, she seemed positive and helpful. She's slipped back into the whatever phase, and I can see reason. I have been talking about Spencer a lot to her because a lot has happened. Well, not a lot, but something that means a lot to me.
Which brings us to the next subject: Spencer. Oh my, he's so cute! Monday night I went to a volleyball game and sat right behind him, but we didn't talk. So as we all left, I was feeling down. I could only wish that things would work out. So, all of us were outside. He was standing at least ten or twenty, maybe, feet away, with my friend Paul and their other friend Eric. I was just waiting for my best friend to come back (after being gone for about ten minutes to say goodbye to her boyfriend.) In my head, I was totally glaring at Spencer. Then, suddenly, my phone rang. So, of course, I answered. It was a private number, and the caller only said, "Yeah, ha, hi," before hanging up. I was confused, until Paul, Eric, and Spencer walked over. Spencer was like, "That call was totally Paul," and smiled. He hung out with me until his mom came to get him and even though I wanted to strangle him, I couldn't help but laugh. Especially since he was the one who called.
That was Monday. Tuesday, he talked to me in school a little. That made me happy. Then that night, he texted me and we texted all night and wednesday morning. That was totally surprising, though, because normally he doesn't text me in the morning. Like, he apologizes for falling asleep and then nothing. But wednesday morning; there was something. Then, he texted me at around three thirty or so wednesday afternoon. We texted ALL night and this morning too! Paul thinks that Spencer might like me, at least a little. He said he doesn't see why he wouldn't, and that he sure acts like he does. He joked around a lot about kissing me, but then I'd say something like, "you'd love it" and he said, maybeee or I know I would. So I'm not sure if thats hinting or just being casual...

So the simple stuff took quite a bit more than one paragraph. I have to go, so I'll just have to hold the serious stuff inside until I get back to the computer!
-Dani

Where do we stand now?

I'm willing to bet that every one of you have a best friend. I have a best friend. You all know her as Marj. She's got this asshole boyfriend who just talks a bunch of shit about me, she never stands up for me. Recently, she told me to not worry about her problems; that she can solve them on her own. I backed off, of course, but then she started trying to tell me things about how the guy I like (Spencer) is an asshole. She kept telling me about other guys, better guys according to her, and about how they like me. She wanted me to give them a chance. I know she thought she was being helpful. She couldn't see that with every name she gave me I just threw it away. I didn't want them; I listened and I wasn't hooked on Spencer. I'm just looking for something certain, and Spencer's the only one who so far has it. Sure, those other guys are nice, good looking and they like me. I just can't; I'm unable to. Literally.
I got in a HUGE fight with Marj last night. I just wanted to explain this to her; that's all. I didn't want to lose her and I didn't want to push her away. I didn't want to be a bitch. I tried not to, I'm pretty sure I wasn't. But she kept saying it. I guess her boyfriend told her to stand up to me, but she wouldn't even tell me what I'd done. How am I supposed to fix something that I supposedly caused if no one will explain it to me?
I don't know if she did it on purpose, but she said something that stung the worst. Something that when you say it, you might as well just stab me. I hadn't cried that whole time until she said it, and when she found I was crying, she didn't care. She said, "Boo Hoo, I made you cry. Oh noo! Well you made me cry for a week."
But again, she wouldn't tell me what I'd done.

Then she said that she was so wrapped up into her own problems that she didn't notice mine. So I said, well I was so wrapped in mine that I didn't notice yours, I guess.
And she said that I should have dealt with my own and hers, but she only had to deal with her own. I don't know if she realized that's what she had said, so I tried to make her see. I begged her to calm down for a moment to try to understand what we BOTH were saying. But she didn't. So I said I'm sorry, I love you. I'm done. And I left.

BFF Problems

Here's the thing. I love my best friend to death. She used to be the only person who could ever make me smile, really. Now though, she can't. I don't know why, and I don't know...I used to think it was because of her boyfriend, but now I don't. I think it's all her. I miss her. I can't help it. But I'm so mad at her right now. 

We never had been in a fight until this boyfriend she got. 

The problem is that she and her boyfriend are having problems, and then they aren't. It's so weird; I think they might have just been together too long now. But hell if I'll be the one to say that. Even though everyone thinks that. Anyways, I just simply tried to give her advice. Not even. I told her maybe to try something besides talking to get through to him, because talking wasn't working. She flipped out and told me that she could handle it and that I shouldn't care or worry. So I was like, okayyyy.

Now, though, she thinks that she has the right to fricken tell me to not like Spencer because she thinks he's an asshole. You know what? He isn't an ass, he respects me. And he's nicer to me than she is right now. And I thought her boyfriend was an asshole at first but that never stopped her, did it? I'm not even dating Spencer, I just like him. I can't help it and she should stop trying to control my life when hers is dangling on the edge, anyways. Ugh! It's so stupid and now she had her boyfriend talk to my sister to try to figure out why I'm mad.

Like it's not obvious. And if she's really that dense then she can talk to me herself. 

Sometimes being nosey doesn't just get you in trouble, it gets you burned.

Ouchhh. Yes, it burns. It stings; it kills. Let me introduce you to my stripe called NOSEY. Yes, yes, I'm very nosey. I can actually keep secrets, though people don't believe me. Which is why all the secrets I keep are usually either those closest to me or my own. Anyways, I like to know everything that has to do with everyone. My friend, Brendan, he's the one who told me he thinks that Spencer likes me before. The reason why I got rejected yet again. I don't blame anyone though, but that's not anything about this. Brendan is probably my best guy friend and I trust him. He knows that I like Spencer, and he knows that I got rejected by Spencer. My best friends don't know that; none besides Brendan. 

Last night, Brendan, my best friend Marj, and I went to a volleyball game to cheer on my friends Caleb and Van on the the junior varisty game and Marj's boyfriend on the varsity team. Brendan was teasing me, telling me that he knew a secret that involved Spencer and I. After about twenty minutes, I finally stole his phone and read the text. He wrote that Spencer was just using me, playing me; obviously. He said that because Spencer doesn't talk to me in school much. I texted him back and said, I know. I suppose part of me figured, but I didn't totally knew.

Later that night, after the game; when we all were home, Brendan texted me. He explained that what I had read was just part of the secret. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know more, but being so nosey, I had to. He told me that from his observations, he thinks that Spencer really does like me, which is why he wouldn't tell me that he didn't like me when I told him I liked him. But Brendan also thinks that nothing will happen only because Spencer cares what people think, and his varsity soccer friends are pretty hard to impress. Basically, because I'm not friends with them, I'm not good enough. Not by Spencer's standards, though. 

It made me feel kind of better.

But my best friend said that she thinks he's such an ass; bahh he's an ass. That's all she talked about. I kind of want her to shut up because she can't see that she's dating an asshole while she's telling me that I like one.