Yeah. I'm screwed up.

My exboyfriend kissed me and now doesn't know what he wants. I gave him a choice, he has yet to decide. I'm still crazy over him.

His best friend tried to help me get him. Now his best friend likes me and wants me to date him instead of my ex.

My best guy friend just confessed that he's falling madly in love with me. 

What. The. Heck.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Woo hoo! 

Alright, so everyone has a new year's resolution. Muahahaha. I have a few. Let's see, there's the resolution to come up with better resolutions in the future. There's the one about how I want to find myself and be comfortable with whoever it is that I am. Oh, and of course the one where I learn to shut my mouth.

Why, you ask, would I make such a resolution? Hahaha. As I explain, you'll learn another of my stripes. Oy. 

I'm 15. Mostly all of my friends are 15. Including, of course, my best friend, Marj. Well, you see, I'm the kind of girl who is shy, quiet, and yet outspoken. If you offend me or a friend or our personal beliefs, since we have the right to believe what the hell we want, I will stand up for whoever you're offending. My friends say I'm amazing and beautiful, but sometimes I can't help but to think that they're only saying it just to make me feel better. What do I need to feel better about? The fact that I am the only one of my friends who has managed to stay single, except for two of them. One of my friends is in the same boat as me. Another, who has been single for as long as I've known her, may be single, but she goes and parties, giving guys blow jobs and making out with other girls. If you saw her, you'd never believe it. She's this fierce, easily offended, yet over-the-average-smart. But thats not the point.

The point is that two of my closest friends, besides the one, Tay, who's in the same boat as me, are seriously in love and have amazing boyfriends. Marj and Rosie say the most fake things to me though. Marj says all this stuff about how I'm beautiful and amazing and all that great stuff, even when I try to tell her that a) I'm not amazing, and b) I really don't want to be. She also tries to push guys onto me, whether she realizes it or not. I liked Spencer, she pushed Ryan towards me. Now, she's still trying to push Ryan to me, all because he says amazing things about me. She knows more about me than most people, but I don't think she really understands me somehow.

Then, Rosie tells me how rude it is of Marj to push guys towards me. She says, "Dani, it's your choice, and she should respect that." I agree with Rosie one hundred percent on that. But then she goes and says stuff that I don't think is true, and partially I think she's saying just to get me to be happy. But she'll say, "You're going to get the best guy out of all of us, because you've had to wait so long." And in my opinion, things come when they come. Hell, I may get the worst guy out of all of us. Who knows? Waiting has nothing to do with it, though.

Anyways, so me being how I am, I basically live my life through my friends. I have no life, and therefore I just try to help them with theirs. Yet I know that they can make their decisions, so I don't give them my opinion unless they ask for it. Well, I'm going to start the story a little later, and explain what happened before as I tell it.

So Rosie and I are talking and she tells me how she and her boyfriend are thinking about having sex somewhat soon. He's 17, she's 15. I think its kind of dumb, but it's normal teenage stuff. So I just asked her if she was sure, and when she said she was, I was okay with it. But then we ended up talking about something Marj said. 

So a few weeks ago, Marj told me (after a month) that she was engaged. At 15. I didn't say anything, I just tried to act happy for her. So she waited a month to tell me, and she didn't really bring it up. I asked her what her and her boyfriend were going to do when he went to college. And she was like, "Well...I'm not sure if I can tell you." This went on for about twenty minutes before I could finally convince her to tell me.

Then, a week later, she posts it on myspace.

Back to Rosie's conversation with me, she was discussing how she was mad because (now it's been like 3 months since the initial engagement, 2 months since I was told) Marj posted it on MYSPACE before she'd tell Rosie. I fully understood. I mean, how would you feel if your supposed friend had gotten engaged, posted it on myspace for 2 months, and STILL hasn't told you? 

Later that night, I was talking to Marj, and I made a huge mistake. This is where my resolution of keeping my mouth shut comes in. I accidently told Marj about how Rosie is thinking about having sex with her boyfriend. So here's the conversation, simplified a little:

D: ME, M: Marj

M: I can't believe she didn't tell me. See, she doesn't tell me anything.

D: Yeah. I guess. But I mean...no offense, you didn't tell her about the engagement.

M: Well this is why.

D: This is after the fact...

M: What's it matter?

D: She knows your engaged.

M: You told her?

D: It's on myspace...

M: Well, whatever. I wanted people to find out slowly.

D: Yeah. But honestly...I understand her point.

M: What are you talking about?

D: How would you feel if your supposed friend posted something on myspace and still didn't tell you?

M: Well she didn't tell me about her about to have sex.

D: That's different.

M: Not really.

D: Yes, because she didn't go posting on myspace, "Gee, I think I'm gonna have sex!".

M: Whatever. 

D: She just doesn't think you trust her.

M: I don't. 

D: I understand it even more because I was kind of upset it took you a month to tell me.

M: Well, no offense Danielle, but I didn't want to tell you either.

D: Um, whoa. So you don't trust me? You were going to put it on myspace first?

M: I trust you I just didn't want to hear your opinion.

D: You know that I wouldn't have told you unless you asked for it. And I didn't.

M: I know, you acted happy for me. But its not like I didn't know how you really felt.

D: So it's my fault that you could read through me? 

M: Well, no. I just don't want to hear everyone's bad opinions on it. I want support.

D: Hun, you have to deal with opinions when you make a decision. It's just what happens.

M: But that's why I wanted people to find out slowly. If they ask, I'd tell.

D: So you'd post it on myspace before telling us?

M: Well. Yes.

D: Gee, it's really great to know how much you trust us.

M: Well you went off and told jeff crap about me when I did tell you.

D: No, I told him my opinion. I'm sorry that it turned out bad...but I told him because he doesn't go to our school anymore. And I didn't want to tell you cause I knew you didn't wanna hear it. I had good intentions.

M: Whatev. Can we just change the subject?

BAH! Am I being obnoxious, or is it really hurtful to know that she didn't want to tell me?